I love McDonald's. I really do. People continue to raise the same old health hazards against McDees, but they can't stop eating it. However, while food is (somewhat) good at our favorite clown-managed, artery-clogging fast food joint, the same can't be said for their cheap, sidewalk-quality Happy Meal toys that could easily be mistaken for Divisoria rip-offs. Recently though, I've come upon one particular Happy Meal toy which piqued my interest, partly because of it's repulsive ugliness and partly because it's not everyday that an emo bishonen worshipped by derpy jejemon(s) gets turned into a toy, and one which looks like he's butthurt shitting at that.
Sasuke was released at the time McDonald's had its Naruto Shippuden Happy Meal promo and while the toy itself is nothing to write home about, there's a lot of play value in the toy which makes it quite worthwhile. In fact, I had to search all over the place just to get one (or more) of these simply because of what it can do, not what it isn't (which is being a handsome looking toy)
So the first ninja skill (or whatever life-devoid Narutards call it) that Sasuke can do as seen in the video above is do a back flip. As if straight out of an amateurish B-level Shaolin-themed movie, Sasuke should be able to land on his feet after winding up by forcing him to face the floor and doing the flip, but obviously I haven't been able to do that which makes me think that I probably got... 1) a defective piece of China crap or 2) I just don't have the dexterity to pull it off. I'd like to think it's the former.
What makes this toy special is not its propensity to fail at back flipping, nor its butt ugly face, but its creepy balancing powers. You'd think that a toy from some backasswards province in China made by dirt poor laborers with manure-smeared faces wouldn't be able to withstand such weighty feats of greatness, but surprisingly it can.
Sasuke carries the weight of children's smiles.
Carrying a moaning chick is easy breezy.
Glass bowl with coins ain't enough to make Sasuke flinch.
Sasuke can even deliver lunch for you.
...and Sasuke can even carry his own Sasuke babies on his head.
All in all, McDonald's Sasuke is a very impressive toy given what it can do. I wouldn't normally collect something from a fast-food restaurant given that the market intended is for those whining, crying, mucuous-swallowing six year olds still wallowing in their mommies' hugs, kisses and masochistic spankings, but this toy was an exception. It's quite hard to find Sasuke nowadays, but if you do ever spot one, buy him at all costs and see the wonders of what having a flat head can do.
Decade: "Oh shit, I'm in Sasuke no Sekai"
HLB's Love Letter for the Ota*** Butthurt Faggots:
It's sad to think that your puny organization is riddled with elitist bastards who think that it's a right to get invited for a display by an organizer who basically runs and owns the event. It's even more retarded that you expect each of your members to do everything for the sake of your little relatively unknown group without consideration that they also have their own personal lives. You even go as far to asking philosophical questions of complete utter fail in the form of "Where's the benefit?" and "Nasaan ang pakialam mo?" just to underscore the (un)importance of your Draconian community. As if it wasn't enough for you to alienate your means to getting your little society known (I mean, seriously, after this fiasco, HAHAHAHAHA!!! good luck trying to find an organizer willing to take you in), you also had to antagonize one of your members by not giving in to a resignation request and would rather vote him off with a Survivor-style tribal council reenactment just so you could exercise your right to humiliate. Said member says his final piece to your org and yet you continue to bash him on your (anti)social networking timelines even though he hasn't said anything against your puny group of self-serving conceited pricks. To top it all off, your little idiots show up on said member's online lair and start to go troll fucking on him.
As someone with an infinitely greater number of perfectly functioning brain cells than all of your "leaders", "movers" and "shakers" combined, I'd really like to suggest that you STFU now before I really go all out on your infantile, "Oh mommy, I just lost my candy!" organization. Did you think I would not notice the faggotry you've done here and just let you get away with it? Don't make me laugh you peons.
Here's a spicy challenge to you and your mentally screwed up farm of animals (oh yeah, like there's frogs and cows in there): how about you use "that fabulous ultimate bishounen" Blogger account once more to post anything on this blog OR post as an anon mentioning my identity in any way and I'll also mention the full name of your retarded org on my next post ala Hall of Shame style, yeah? (though I suppose you'd like that extra bit of publicity just to get your 30-40 something active members known). This isn't a cowardly threat. I'm just waiting for you guys to bite the obvious trap lying before you so I can finally have enough reason to do humanity a favor and avert them from your stupid org. And if you believe you could use my identity against me then think again because I'm sitting on an "I've got nothing to lose" chain, see.
Again, you started this "war" when I was never interested nor planning on starting one in the first place. Whatever happens afterwards, you have no one else to blame but yourselves.
Sincerely yours,
Horny Lover Boy